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Full of Regrets at Twenty-nine My
selfishness and my irresponsibility led to the death of one of my friends. I want to begin telling you about my history and the actions that eventually led to that horrific day. The first time I was drunk, I was fifteen. The next year, sixteen years old, I started smoking pot. Both of these behaviors continued throughout high school until I graduated. At that time, I was seventeen and was going away to college in Missouri. I was going to be 350 miles from home and there was nobody telling me what I could or couldn’t do. I took full advantage. Away at school and on my own, I
quickly realized and began to take advantage of my new social freedom. I got
a fake ID and started going to bars and parties four or five nights a week.
Now, when I went out, I didn’t just have a few beers, come home and pass
out. Instead, I would wake up in the morning puking and would have no clue
where I was or where I had been. I was seventeen. These behaviors continued
throughout college. As many of you will, or already have realized, college
is extremely expensive. My social life and irresponsibility led me to
skipping classes, flunking classes and throwing away thousands of dollars.
This behavior continued throughout college. I was assigned to student-teach at
Carl Sandburg High School. I was five months from graduation, and embarking
on my chosen profession. Everything was going my way. My professional life
was beginning and I had a promising future. I was invincible and nothing
could ever harm and throw me off the path, which was laid out before me. Unfortunately, I never saw the warnings signs within my
behavior and my drinking patterns. My selfishness and irresponsibility
would all catch up with me on March 2, 1997. After a day of drinking here
and there, three friends and I began drinking at a local establishment
around 9:30 in the evening. For the next three hours, we drank. Finally, at
12:30, we called it a night and piled into my car. I was driving, Michelle
was in the front seat, Keith was behind Michelle, and Erin was behind me. We
were probably seven minutes from home, in a town I had lived in for twenty
years, and on roads I had driven thousands of times. However, now I am
drunk. We were about thirty seconds from home, when I lost control of the
car. I do not even remember hitting a telephone pole. We struck the pole on
the driver’s side, rear door, right where Erin was sitting. She never
really had a chance. By the
time an ambulance had arrived, she was dead. Four days after the crash, Erin
was buried in her senior prom dress. An event she would never attend because
I chose to drink and drive and because I was selfish and irresponsible. She
was seventeen years old. The impact this would have on the lives of Erin’s family and friends, I will never be able to realize. Erin left behind two younger siblings and two loving parents. This family will never celebrate another holiday with Erin. They will never celebrate her birthday with her. They won’t see her on her wedding day and they will never meet her children. What this family must endure and go through every single day, I cannot even begin to fathom, and I’ll be honest, I don’t ever want to know. This family must go through all of this because I chose to drink and drive and because I was selfish and irresponsible. As for me, my life is also forever
changed. As a result of my actions, I had some serious legal difficulties. I
had never before been in this situation. In the end, I received four years
of probation. My driver’s license is revoked. I will be lucky if I ever
drive a car again. I am a convicted felon, reckless homicide. Every job
application or interview I go on for the rest of my life, I will check a box
that says, yes, convicted felon, reckless homicide. I also spent 120 days
incarcerated. Life behind bars is an experience I would not wish upon my
worst enemy. It is a fearful, horrific experience. It is something you
cannot possibly prepare for and all of this happened to me because I chose
to drink and drive and because I was selfish and irresponsible. I cannot begin to describe what it is like to be responsible for the death of another human being, let alone one of your friends. It is a haunting feeling that never goes away and is always there. I do not go one day without thinking about Erin. Most days I do not go one hour. This is all because I chose to drink and drive and because I was selfish and irresponsible. Full of Regrets at Twenty-nine |